A fun day at the fair today! It really was a "Good Friday"! We had so much fun today just Sadie and I. Sometimes I can feel sorry for myself and I feel so sad that Russ is deployed and we sit here to fend for ourselves. But in reality this is an opportunity for Sadie and I truly bond. I can become so frustrated with her and I feel like I spend most of my time yelling at her and getting mad over silly things. Right now it is just me and Sadie and her daddy isn't here to protect her from the mean momma I can be sometimes. I should cherish these moments that I have with her. As we rode the tilt-a-whirl...I watched her. I watched her laugh and squeal. She was filled with joy and laughter. That filled me with the same. I want her childhood to be filled with these fun experiences with her mom. Not her remembering how hard I was on her. Don't get me wrong, we all need to parent at times, it can't all be fun and games, but I also need to lighten up. She's only 5 once. I'm afraid that one day I'll open my eyes and she'll be graduating high school, getting married, having children of her own, and I'll regret not being the mother that I always dreamed I would be. I'm not perfect and I know I will mess up. But I know one thing...I'm going to try harder...I'm going to teach her how to be a loving mother and wife.
My prayer today;
Dear God, help me to cherish every moment. Help me to lighten up and fill my daughter's life with love and acceptance. Help me to show her how to be a woman of God. Let me be the role model in her life that I should be. Forgive me for not always doing so. It's not too late, its never too late. AMEN
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